Whether we like it or not, the change is inevitable. The world changes around us; people, technology, management style, nature and ourselves. Everyone has their time and how they use it ,a decision whether we learn to manage changes in life, largely depends on us. The factor, which is inseparably connected with the change of the time and transience.
„Never give up on a purpose just because that achieving it requires a long time. Time escapes anyway.”
[Źródło: H.Jackson Brown Jr.]
As you probably know coaching is a process. The time it takes to ensure that our client changed permanently. The customer begins his adventure with the sessions because he wants to change. When I look at my new clients that I see for the first time and explain what our meetings will concern, what are the differences between coaching and other disciplines, I notice a certain fear of what will happen and I get even more excited when they decide to try something new, something they have never done before. They make a conscious decision to work with me in order to make changes in their lives. Question’s appear in their minds : "What magic will happen to me ? ", "will it pull me out of my comfort zone?", "Do I have to be prepared? Do the homework? "At any time of the session and the process, when we hear something revealing from the customer, we can see his reaction and hear what the he will say, a change occurs in the client. There is a new deeper awareness which begins to build a new identity. And that is it !!! The client begins to notice that the coaching process he is going through is the direction to his goal. The customer feels that something is changing for the better. With the passage of time he will notice that thanks to the change in him, he has changed his surroundings, his family, and that some problems have ceased to exist. And when the coaching process ends with a spectacular change, which is measured by the feelings of the customer, we can be sure that the world will follow reliable recommendations about us - coaches. Often my lectures make my students feel in a specific mood of spells and magic. Magic and witchcraft changes something that seems impossible to be possible. Coaching is the same, only the tools are virtual. It is not the wand which casts magic on the client, but determination and mindfulness of our customer combined with our professionalism. When the first meeting is held I mention things about magic, because I do , most people keep a distance. After all, they are adults, they do not quite believe in fairy tales. However, when without asking I endow them a little sneak peek, they come to life, curiosity and the saturation deficit comes out of the meeting, unable to wait for the next one. I sprinkle them with the magic dust, after which they are able to believe in themselves. Elements taken from fairy tales in coaching are important tools that helps you get out of the real world in order to see something more, to believe, that you can. These tools do not have a limit, they are as great as our imagination wants it to be. It allows the client to expand his horizons it stimulates thinking, pierces the walls of powerlessness and limitations. As a result, he discovers something that is important to him, what will add him strength to achieve his goals and make changes.
The customer comes to us with a goal, sometimes less sometimes more accurately precise. There are no changes at the very beginning, because they happen in parallel. The closer the target is , the awareness of the change becomes fuller, deeper, stronger.
Change is like a faithful friend ,who despite many difficult situations, slips or twists is always with you. The assumption of coaching is that the customer is getting from point A to point B. However, the pathways are unknown nor to the client, nor to us. One thing is certain, after the first meeting each customer will never again be at the A point again, the customer will not be in point A from which he already had got out of when coming to me. This is the proof that change is a power that will lead us somewhere. Is that the way we want to take? The answer should be found by themselves. And that's what we do during the sessions. Where do you want to go? What will it bring to you? What will you gain thanks to this? What will change in your life for the better? What else will change thanks to this?
The change in coaching is undoubtedly a change for the better. This change is in thinking and changing the perception of yourself and others, change of consciousness, behavior, emotions. What will happen if you will not change anything? The most provocative question is: what will happen if you decide not to change anything?
Paradoxically, the fear and the natural resistance combines perfectly with excitement and a new challenge. I, as a coach have this huge comfort of working with the people-customers, for whom this challenge will defeat their insecurities . Who are aware and want to take full responsibility for this change.Why should customers come to us? In order to accelerate the change to learn about the process of change, raise awareness, to find out the answer to the question -which stage am I and what benefits will it bring to me?
Over which subjects does the coach work on with a client?
- Above the construction and maintenance of good relationships of parents with their children.
- Satisfaction of a sexual relationship, regardless of it’s seniority.
- Getting rid of bad habits, the introduction of healthy and sustainable habits and how to maintain them.
- Choice of a career, in accordance with the skills and aptitude.
- Achieving something more and the need for change.
- Building a team with spirit, to achieve better results.
- Development of their skills.
- Increasing their earnings, improving living standards and achieving financial independence.
- Struggiling with obesity or being underweight.
- Looking for a balance between work and private life.
- Achieving the impossible.
- Coping with emotions.
- The realization of dreams.
- Changing lives for the better.
- The acquisition of competences needed to achieve professional success.
- Being an effective leader.
- Achieving goals, increasing efficiency and at the same time being a mentor to his subordinates.
- Building effective teams.
- Increasing sales and satisfied customers.
What happens when we make a change?
We have a goal and begin the journey by the road towards the target. The road is often bumpy and difficult, winding and forking over several pages. Then we stop and decide what to choose. We as coaches know that any change that accompanies achieving a goal, requires some time and energy. And it must be understood by the client, who at the beginning of the process is impatient and would like to have it "now". When we ask the customer questions and the answers fall quickly , it could mean that the client will not feel much of our work and the results, after which he came for.
However there comes a fantastic and groundbreaking, in my opinion moment in which the answer shows up. "I do not know" - this is what I'm waiting for ... because if you had known the answer, you would not have been here. You came in order to find the answer. And we are starting to dig and explore and to tire our client, pulling him from his state of comfort, because only then He will feel that something is happening. Only then he will be ready for a change. The crowning point of our common work is the client's response: "I know !!!". This is a very stupendous situation, followed by visible and measurable results for the customer. Let us remember that the client needs time to wean from the things that happened ,get rid of bad habits and introduce himself to new ones . The time after the session and between sessions is extremely important, because then "something is happening". Sessions stimulate thinking, acting, and the time between sessions is the process of consolidation, anchoring what the customer remembered from the session.
If someone got used to the fact that he eats something sweet when drinking a coffee, and he did it for 20 years, the process of changing this habit can not last one day. When a customer at the first meeting will promise you, that he won’t do it again ,what guarantees you that it will happen? After some time you get closer to the client, he learns to be responsible for his actions and decisions when he’s at the stage of deepening awareness, when there’s a value given to his aim, Just when his new identity is being built, there shows up a chance for changes. Not for a while, but on a permanent basis. In the future, the client will be ready for the similar situation and he will be able to cope with them . And this is the phenomenon of coaching – to become a independent customer. He gets back Home with his batteries charged and knows how to recharge them. Once, a customer who had two objectives came to me: first, to lose a few kilos, the second to maintain that effect. At the first session he was aware only of the first one. At the next session, he discovered that the problem lies in something else , because he had often lost weight ,and put it back on again.
In retrospect, I find that working in parallel on these two objectives, during the session we focused on what will happen was justified and effective. The customer was irritated by the fact that I bothered him with questions for which the answer he already knew. that I am annoying and nothing has changed yet. So there were for, there where a couple of meetings. And this is the example of staying in your comfort zone, without changing anything. This is much easier, because I know how it is and I feel safe with it. Unfortunately the feeling of guilt and the thoughts of the others, viewing ourselves in the mirror sometimes make themselves felt and then „it would assume”, that the change is easy, because „I know I want it!”. But… I’ll start on Monday. I am glad that a lot of people are fighting with such dilemmas, because it means, that we coaches, have some work to do. The subject of „changing habits” is very close to me, because I see the effects of coaching in these cases (Not only these - of course) is spectacular. At the end of the process, when I asked what is the most precious thing for him, he said: „When I came here I was like a warm plasticine, today I am a formed shape.”.
Let’s recall, as it is from the point of view of the change management.
We know that before the client starts conscious work on changing, he has to deal with certain stages and prepare himself. Then go through a phase of denial, anger, fears, starting with the facts, what I already know. In the next stage there is acceptance, „I must” is being changed to „I want to” and finally “I’ll give All of me”, “I’ll engage”.
So changes… are they good or not? The answer is in ourselves. I stand for trying, not giving up. We do not know if the decision is a good one, but it certainly is a new experience, from which we draw conclusions and move forward. We can transform into something positive and look for the pluses and we’ll know how to produce energy, so we can handle every situation and every change. We are equipped with the tools and intuition of a coach. We use it for ourselves and for those who are in need.
